Wylan really isn't sure what Jesper is talking about. Tele-what? He's about to ask when he realizes what else Jesper says. His flute? He feels himself blushing and he averts his eyes down. Jesper hasn't seen him in a year and he still kept Wylan's flute in a music room.
His lips curl up into a smile and he looks up at Jesper. "I can't wait to see it." He pulls him in again pressing their lips together gently.
Jesper may admit later that he kept the Van Eck mansion as his domain for fully eight months before letting it go and creating the cabin. They may not have had a long time together, but it was the type of thing difficult to let go of. Keeping Wylan's flute was something he needed to have. Now more than ever, with his new memories. But he still didn't see this coming.
Now that Wylan is here and kissing him it would be so easy to just reconcile. "I need to tell you ... two more major things. Before we can do more kissing." Jesper has to do the right thing by both of them. He couldn't allow any false pretenses.
"When I first came here, in the timeline it was the same as yours. But I recently got an entire year of memories from home, of us, and some ... other interesting developments. Including a Grisha become Queen of Ravka." Insane, yes, but more importantly, the fact that he remembers being with Wylan more than one night. Much more. It puts them at such opposite places.
"The other thing is ... Wylan, you know me." Jesper sighs, cupping his cheek. "I've been here awhile so I have other lovers. Including, um." He makes a face, this is going to be the hard one, really, because of the strangeness. "Kaz."
Wylan pulls back, a little disappointed that Jesper is stopping them but he gets it, mostly. It's just that it's still new for him, that he can do this, and he kind of wants to kiss him all the time. It's not his fault Jesper has perfect lips.
"A year? A good year?" He asks curiously. " A Grisha queen? What happened to King Nikolai?" He's going to ask another question when Jesper keeps talking and then well.
He blinks up at him. Other lovers stings, but he gets it, he does know Jesper, and he wasn't here. They only really had a day, maybe two, of whatever this was. Can he hold that against Jesper? And then Jesper says a name he would never have expected.
"Kaz? Kaz Brekker?" He's sorry, can you repeat that Jesper?
"A really good year," Jesper confirms. It was actually painful when he woke up with it and found himself in this terrible situation, still hurting from heartache, trying to take care of all the people he loved. There was a time when he first arrived and a year with someone seemed very unlikely, but then he met Mat. And now this. "He abdicated and she was elected or something, very insane, to be honest. We went on a mission together before all that happened."
So they went on a mission with the King and Queen of Ravka! Strangest experience in retrospect. But obviously. This other part is more important. And awkward. Jesper sighs and drops his hand down away from Wylan and rubs it across his jaw instead.
"Yes. Kaz Brekker. Also ... Inej in emotional terms, technically." By that he means they haven't had sex but they have kissed and Jesper feels she is on par with his other lovers because the romantic connection is there. "They're also a thing, obviously." Something very well known to all of them. His piece in it is just new. Jesper doesn't know how much they've done, but it doesn't matter.
"I love them. Just as I love you." There is nothing more sincere in that moment than the look on Jesper's face and the intensity of his gaze. "And I know you are not where I am that way, I had a year, remember, but it's still the truth. My heart is just something I've been sharing for a time."
He feels like he needs to sit down. But he already is sitting down.
Love. Jesper loved him? And he loved Kaz and Inej and other people? None of this was anything Wylan knew how to deal with. He wasn't even sure if he loved Jesper- no, that wasn't true. He knew he loved Jesper, he was just nowhere near ready to start acknowledging that. They had been kissing for two days, Jesper was going to live with him but they hadn't exactly talked about it. He was only just starting to accept that he was someone who was capable of being loved. That he was good enough. Was he good enough?
It was like watching Jesper with Kuwei all over again, only he was just hearing about it. Still, that uncomfortable feeling rose up in him and he moved back, putting space between them so he could breathe. "I don't know what you want me to say."
Jesper lets him go because he wants to respect him having space to figure shit out. It's not as if any of this is easy, and he gets that, he really does. He agreed to monogamy with Wylan because he wanted to see what it was like and he felt he could do it. And it was true. For that year, he never touched anyone else, and he was happy. But things changed for him here.
"You don't have to say anything. I just don't want to lie to you or hide anything." He's miserable about it. He always knew this could happen and that he would need to have this conversation if it did. The last thing he wants to do is hurt him. "You deserved to know before you kept kissing me."
Jesper sighs and looks away from him. "Wy, what I've found is that my heart isn't cut into one piece. It can be cut into many pieces and it's still all real. I love you, I really do. You don't have less of my heart because other people have parts of it."
It's a good thing Jesper looks away because Wylan winces at his words. He feels himself pulling back into himself like he hasn't in months, not since they started the ice court job.
"I really need you to stop saying that." He tries to keep his voice steady and he's pretty sure he does a good job at it.
There is a pause and then he nods, moving back on the bed a little to give Wylan space. "I understand. Let's just ... talk about this place and what you need to know." Jesper doesn't need an exact answer from Wylan now and it's stupid to even imply as much. He's stated his feelings and where he's at, that has to be enough.
Except who knows if it'll ever be enough. If he can ever be enough. He thought he was for Mat and look how that went.
"Um, if you want to go into the Horizon, I can take you."
Wylan shakes his head. If he gets any more information he thinks his brain might explode, or he might burst into tears and he does not want to cry in front of Jesper again. One time was bad enough.
"No-I think. I think I need to go...take a walk or something?" He stands up and then pauses. Jes per hasn't actually asked him to stay here with them. "I don't- uh. I don't want to go back to that military base though."
Jesper's been so on edge lately that even one more touch at his abandonment issues makes him want to throw up. He swallows it down and looks at the floor. "I get it, I'm around." For when he needs someone, always.
"Oh, uh. Just ask Mags, the woman downstairs. She'll get you set up in a room here. All the Summoned get to live here." He would suggest he stay with Kaz but that could be weird right now too. As long as he's in the inn, he's safe.
Wylan nods, not sure why that feels even worse. He doesn't need someone to help him set up accommodation, he did it on his own before he can again. He's the one that needed some space.
"Oh, okay. I'll...I'll be back later then. We can. We can talk more?" He needs to leave before he makes this worse. He glances at Jesper and feels his own heart break as he makes for the door, pulling it open and stepping outside. he closes it behind him before letting himself lean against it softly. Letting his eyes well with tears for a moment before he swallows them down, he won't be that person anymore. He pushes off the door and goes to do what he said. A walk to clear his head.
Wylan's reappearance has made everything more complicated, and that is saying a great deal. He thought it was bad enough for him to get a year of a happy life placed into his head, although at the time it just made him glad to know that things worked out for them back there. Because he still thought it would mean it is not his life anymore. Then Wylan's here and it's all wrong. Just his luck.
He watches Wylan go, wanting so much to reach out and beg him to stay or ask for his patience. He's had a shitty month and it was nice to sit with him again, to touch him. Instead Jesper just sits there dejected and once Wylan's gone he lies on his back on the bed and puts his hands over his face. Just another fantastic day.
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Re: Wylan TDM moved here
Date: 2023-04-09 03:58 am (UTC)His lips curl up into a smile and he looks up at Jesper. "I can't wait to see it." He pulls him in again pressing their lips together gently.
no subject
Date: 2023-04-09 04:13 am (UTC)Now that Wylan is here and kissing him it would be so easy to just reconcile. "I need to tell you ... two more major things. Before we can do more kissing." Jesper has to do the right thing by both of them. He couldn't allow any false pretenses.
"When I first came here, in the timeline it was the same as yours. But I recently got an entire year of memories from home, of us, and some ... other interesting developments. Including a Grisha become Queen of Ravka." Insane, yes, but more importantly, the fact that he remembers being with Wylan more than one night. Much more. It puts them at such opposite places.
"The other thing is ... Wylan, you know me." Jesper sighs, cupping his cheek. "I've been here awhile so I have other lovers. Including, um." He makes a face, this is going to be the hard one, really, because of the strangeness. "Kaz."
no subject
Date: 2023-04-09 05:07 am (UTC)"A year? A good year?" He asks curiously. " A Grisha queen? What happened to King Nikolai?" He's going to ask another question when Jesper keeps talking and then well.
He blinks up at him. Other lovers stings, but he gets it, he does know Jesper, and he wasn't here. They only really had a day, maybe two, of whatever this was. Can he hold that against Jesper? And then Jesper says a name he would never have expected.
"Kaz? Kaz Brekker?" He's sorry, can you repeat that Jesper?
no subject
Date: 2023-04-09 05:22 am (UTC)So they went on a mission with the King and Queen of Ravka! Strangest experience in retrospect. But obviously. This other part is more important. And awkward. Jesper sighs and drops his hand down away from Wylan and rubs it across his jaw instead.
"Yes. Kaz Brekker. Also ... Inej in emotional terms, technically." By that he means they haven't had sex but they have kissed and Jesper feels she is on par with his other lovers because the romantic connection is there. "They're also a thing, obviously." Something very well known to all of them. His piece in it is just new. Jesper doesn't know how much they've done, but it doesn't matter.
"I love them. Just as I love you." There is nothing more sincere in that moment than the look on Jesper's face and the intensity of his gaze. "And I know you are not where I am that way, I had a year, remember, but it's still the truth. My heart is just something I've been sharing for a time."
no subject
Date: 2023-04-11 06:04 am (UTC)Love. Jesper loved him? And he loved Kaz and Inej and other people? None of this was anything Wylan knew how to deal with. He wasn't even sure if he loved Jesper- no, that wasn't true. He knew he loved Jesper, he was just nowhere near ready to start acknowledging that. They had been kissing for two days, Jesper was going to live with him but they hadn't exactly talked about it. He was only just starting to accept that he was someone who was capable of being loved. That he was good enough. Was he good enough?
It was like watching Jesper with Kuwei all over again, only he was just hearing about it. Still, that uncomfortable feeling rose up in him and he moved back, putting space between them so he could breathe. "I don't know what you want me to say."
no subject
Date: 2023-04-11 04:56 pm (UTC)"You don't have to say anything. I just don't want to lie to you or hide anything." He's miserable about it. He always knew this could happen and that he would need to have this conversation if it did. The last thing he wants to do is hurt him. "You deserved to know before you kept kissing me."
Jesper sighs and looks away from him. "Wy, what I've found is that my heart isn't cut into one piece. It can be cut into many pieces and it's still all real. I love you, I really do. You don't have less of my heart because other people have parts of it."
no subject
Date: 2023-04-12 12:16 am (UTC)"I really need you to stop saying that." He tries to keep his voice steady and he's pretty sure he does a good job at it.
no subject
Date: 2023-04-12 12:22 am (UTC)Except who knows if it'll ever be enough. If he can ever be enough. He thought he was for Mat and look how that went.
"Um, if you want to go into the Horizon, I can take you."
no subject
Date: 2023-04-12 12:35 am (UTC)"No-I think. I think I need to go...take a walk or something?" He stands up and then pauses. Jes per hasn't actually asked him to stay here with them. "I don't- uh. I don't want to go back to that military base though."
no subject
Date: 2023-04-12 12:41 am (UTC)"Oh, uh. Just ask Mags, the woman downstairs. She'll get you set up in a room here. All the Summoned get to live here." He would suggest he stay with Kaz but that could be weird right now too. As long as he's in the inn, he's safe.
no subject
Date: 2023-04-12 04:09 am (UTC)"Oh, okay. I'll...I'll be back later then. We can. We can talk more?" He needs to leave before he makes this worse. He glances at Jesper and feels his own heart break as he makes for the door, pulling it open and stepping outside. he closes it behind him before letting himself lean against it softly. Letting his eyes well with tears for a moment before he swallows them down, he won't be that person anymore. He pushes off the door and goes to do what he said. A walk to clear his head.
and finished
Date: 2023-04-13 06:46 pm (UTC)He watches Wylan go, wanting so much to reach out and beg him to stay or ask for his patience. He's had a shitty month and it was nice to sit with him again, to touch him. Instead Jesper just sits there dejected and once Wylan's gone he lies on his back on the bed and puts his hands over his face. Just another fantastic day.