He fell apart when my mother died. They had the kind of love that I don't actually want, where you can't exist without each other. It's a romantic idea but an unhealthy one.
[ That's not how Jesper himself looks at love, as anyone can tell when they see the relationships they do have. And what Kell has with him, he knows first-hand what Jesper's love can be. Supportive. Kind. Playful. He can live without his loved ones but he doesn't want to. It's not usually them that breaks him, it's his own mind, his own sickness. ]
She died using our powers, so he was afraid of what would happen to me. In a lot of ways I raised myself. He was just trying to exist without her. We're doing better now that we're more honest with each other.
[ Jesper isn't making excuses for him, he's in a more realistic place about his feelings regarding his father. Colm is flawed and for a long time Jesper couldn't see that, he blamed everything on himself, not his father. But if there is anyone who can have compassion for flawed people, it's him, and once he saw his father that way, they were able to talk for real. They're closer than they've ever been now. Or they were, before he came here. The funny thing is that his father would be a whole lot more proud of how he is here. No crime. Helping out people. Making money as a merchant. Alas.]
It's not even about being fixed, Kell, because I'm not sure we're broken, we're just what the world's made of us. But it doesn't matter, because we're doing our best to make a life here, and that has to be enough.
[ It has to be enough because there's no other choice. This is where they are and what they're doing. Jesper's found peace in that. He misses his life before but it's been pretty easy to settle here. He's adaptable. He thinks Kaz is starting to get used to this too, he was the hardest to get there. Inej has her faith to guide him, and Jesper has his loving heart. ]
Saints, I am not perfect, believe me. I wouldn't like myself if I was, perfect would be so boring. If you mean I'm perfectly flawed, I'd agree with that.
[ He takes Kell's hand and kisses it sweetly. ]
Does Rhy know how you're feeling with all of this?
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Date: 2023-10-23 08:31 pm (UTC)[ That's not how Jesper himself looks at love, as anyone can tell when they see the relationships they do have. And what Kell has with him, he knows first-hand what Jesper's love can be. Supportive. Kind. Playful. He can live without his loved ones but he doesn't want to. It's not usually them that breaks him, it's his own mind, his own sickness. ]
She died using our powers, so he was afraid of what would happen to me. In a lot of ways I raised myself. He was just trying to exist without her. We're doing better now that we're more honest with each other.
[ Jesper isn't making excuses for him, he's in a more realistic place about his feelings regarding his father. Colm is flawed and for a long time Jesper couldn't see that, he blamed everything on himself, not his father. But if there is anyone who can have compassion for flawed people, it's him, and once he saw his father that way, they were able to talk for real. They're closer than they've ever been now. Or they were, before he came here. The funny thing is that his father would be a whole lot more proud of how he is here. No crime. Helping out people. Making money as a merchant. Alas.]
It's not even about being fixed, Kell, because I'm not sure we're broken, we're just what the world's made of us. But it doesn't matter, because we're doing our best to make a life here, and that has to be enough.
[ It has to be enough because there's no other choice. This is where they are and what they're doing. Jesper's found peace in that. He misses his life before but it's been pretty easy to settle here. He's adaptable. He thinks Kaz is starting to get used to this too, he was the hardest to get there. Inej has her faith to guide him, and Jesper has his loving heart. ]
Saints, I am not perfect, believe me. I wouldn't like myself if I was, perfect would be so boring. If you mean I'm perfectly flawed, I'd agree with that.
[ He takes Kell's hand and kisses it sweetly. ]
Does Rhy know how you're feeling with all of this?