I don't know if there was a line I wouldn't cross to get all of you back. I crossed all the ones that were in front of me.
[ So he didn't know what was left after that. More killing? More torture? He was already in that state of mind. Jesper was willing to kill even after he promised he wouldn't, after they told that bandit mother they'd set her son free if she told them everything. He was ready to kill her and him, without a second thought, without a blink of an eye. It was only Nadine's insistence that stopped him, and he still looked to Dean, knowing if he told him to do it, he would regardless. There was no moral high ground left for him. ]
I was desperate. We were close to a collective meltdown. I don't know what would have happened if we were too late.
[ Jesper doesn't think he could come back from it. He would either break or stop feeling at all. Become a shell of a person. They were so close to losing them. He knows that the people in the Pit went through a lot, but so did people on the outside. The constant state of helplessness and fear went both ways. Almost all of his lovers were taken, he was unstable to say the least.
This is Jesper and so is his usual smiling relaxed self. He lives to pretend to be shallow, but he's anything but. He's fine letting Kell see that now. He keeps his truest self under the mask of cheerful indifference and he looks at Kell, cupping his cheek affectionately. His pretty redhead, all soft skin and darkness underneath. He shakes his head, leaning over him, kissing him gently. ]
I'm not perfect, and I wouldn't want to be. I'm very flawed, Kell. And I'm okay with you knowing that.
[ Which is a sign of real intimacy. Letting them see each other without any masks. Jesper is touching him with sincere affection, not their wild state of sexual need. It is all very sweet and he's glad for it. He thinks Kell is very sweet, underneath his intensity, and he didn't know he was until Jesper, in many ways. He looks into Kell's mismatched eyes and smiles. ]
no subject
[ So he didn't know what was left after that. More killing? More torture? He was already in that state of mind. Jesper was willing to kill even after he promised he wouldn't, after they told that bandit mother they'd set her son free if she told them everything. He was ready to kill her and him, without a second thought, without a blink of an eye. It was only Nadine's insistence that stopped him, and he still looked to Dean, knowing if he told him to do it, he would regardless. There was no moral high ground left for him. ]
I was desperate. We were close to a collective meltdown. I don't know what would have happened if we were too late.
[ Jesper doesn't think he could come back from it. He would either break or stop feeling at all. Become a shell of a person. They were so close to losing them. He knows that the people in the Pit went through a lot, but so did people on the outside. The constant state of helplessness and fear went both ways. Almost all of his lovers were taken, he was unstable to say the least.
This is Jesper and so is his usual smiling relaxed self. He lives to pretend to be shallow, but he's anything but. He's fine letting Kell see that now. He keeps his truest self under the mask of cheerful indifference and he looks at Kell, cupping his cheek affectionately. His pretty redhead, all soft skin and darkness underneath. He shakes his head, leaning over him, kissing him gently. ]
I'm not perfect, and I wouldn't want to be. I'm very flawed, Kell. And I'm okay with you knowing that.
[ Which is a sign of real intimacy. Letting them see each other without any masks. Jesper is touching him with sincere affection, not their wild state of sexual need. It is all very sweet and he's glad for it. He thinks Kell is very sweet, underneath his intensity, and he didn't know he was until Jesper, in many ways. He looks into Kell's mismatched eyes and smiles. ]
I love you. I want you to know that too.