[There's little than Kell needs more now than physical presence of another person. A listening, understanding, loving person. All that Jesper is and more. Getting it when he doesn't even know how to ask and what for. Is it this? Or was he at the breaking point already? Doesn't really matter. Jesper's words, wise and supportive as they are, crack a dam and the next moment Kell is all shaking. Trying to hold back the ugly sobs, and failing.]
But I should be! That's why I trained my whole life!
This is what he was supposed to be! The reason they even brought me in! A weapon for the crown yes, but a shield first! If I can't protect him what is the reason for my existence?! If I can't do this what am I even for ?!!
[Kell slaps a hand over his mouth seconds after he shouts his protests. Fuck. Two years, and the poison is still deep in his mind. A weapon. A shield. Blessed. Cursed. Inhuman. A thing.
He'd be pissed if he had any energy left to be angry. He doesn't. He leans into Jesper's touch. This is not what he came here for.]
I'm sorry. I . . . shouldn't be dragging you into this. I come here to see you. I needed to know that you weren't hurt. I just... I kept thinking that I couldn't stand if you got hurt badly, I know that I don't have much right to it. We don't know each other all that well, but I want to. I want to know you better. I think I ...
[I think I love you. It would have been so easy to say, but Kell stops himself midsentence. He doesn't want to break what they already have. He's already too intense for most people when he finally lets them to see him. He knows it now. It burns like a furnace in his heart. He wants - no, needs to - Jesper to see him.]
Deal with? [Kell blinks. He looks up at Jesper as if he suddenly started speaking Farosian. The Pit is past, and good riddance. He doesn't want to think about it ever again. What's more there to deal with?] Like how?
no subject
But I should be! That's why I trained my whole life!
This is what he was supposed to be! The reason they even brought me in! A weapon for the crown yes, but a shield first! If I can't protect him what is the reason for my existence?! If I can't do this what am I even for ?!!
[Kell slaps a hand over his mouth seconds after he shouts his protests. Fuck. Two years, and the poison is still deep in his mind. A weapon. A shield. Blessed. Cursed. Inhuman. A thing.
He'd be pissed if he had any energy left to be angry. He doesn't. He leans into Jesper's touch. This is not what he came here for.]
I'm sorry. I . . . shouldn't be dragging you into this. I come here to see you. I needed to know that you weren't hurt. I just... I kept thinking that I couldn't stand if you got hurt badly, I know that I don't have much right to it. We don't know each other all that well, but I want to. I want to know you better. I think I ...
[I think I love you. It would have been so easy to say, but Kell stops himself midsentence. He doesn't want to break what they already have. He's already too intense for most people when he finally lets them to see him. He knows it now. It burns like a furnace in his heart. He wants - no, needs to - Jesper to see him.]
Deal with? [Kell blinks. He looks up at Jesper as if he suddenly started speaking Farosian. The Pit is past, and good riddance. He doesn't want to think about it ever again. What's more there to deal with?] Like how?