Kell doesn't always need instruction to do what he does. When the torrent of sensation gave way to languid bliss, he simply follows his instinct. To claim Jesper's exposed neck with kisses, a lot gentler than any they've shared before. Crush him into the mattress with his own weight, not to cause pain, simply to get as much skin contact as he can even when they're still a tangled mess of connected flesh with barely even air between their bodies. Reach to caress every bit of exposed skin his own body does not already cover with light touch. Stillness is not in his nature, but Kell doesn't really want to break it. There's deep seated satisfaction taking root all the way in his bones, weighing him down, making only his hands move. He had never felt like this. He never thought he could.
"Maybe I did know."
There's no embarrassment or shame to fend off. Not in the usual sense. Just a wounded pride, a misplaced sense of his own superiority, jealousy, and a whole lot of anger. His is a culture very permissive in matters of sex. Kell had realized quickly that Thorne is a lot less so. He had to hold his tongue on numerous occasions. Back home, he hated it. The ease of connection others seemed to have. That he was lacking. That he thought he would never have. That was, for the most part, too dangerous for him. Too frightening to others. He told himself he doesn't need it. That he's better. He's Antari. He's destined for greater things than freely fucking at parties. He's not like them. There has ever been only a single person spared his condemnation. The same one as always.
It didn't mean Kell went fully celibate back home. He was a living, breathing human after all. Quite horny as teenager. But he never allowed himself to be so open as he is with Jesper. For many reasons, not only his stupid pride, but it did not help. It only made him sadder, and angrier. He's none of it now. He is satisfied, relaxed... who know maybe even happy.
"How dare you read my mind again," Kell laughs, playfully nibbling at Jesper's ear. "You have such a breathtaking beauty, Jesper. I hope people tell you this all the time. They should. You deserve to be adored and cherished. I want to savor you as much as I want to ruin you."
This is only their second meeting, but Kell wants Jesper to truly feel him. Each caress, each kiss. There's desire, yes, but it's no longer only lust... He doesn't know what it is, and in all honesty, he doesn't want to put a name on it. To limit, to fence off this wonderful feeling with words and definitions feels like a crime. A betrayal of the fragile thing that by some unbelievable cosmic coincidence was allowed to exist. It doesn't help that he's very bad at even recognizing his own emotions, let alone naming them. As long as it's not anger, he's lost. He desperately doesn't want to lose this one.
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Date: 2023-06-05 09:48 pm (UTC)"Maybe I did know."
There's no embarrassment or shame to fend off. Not in the usual sense. Just a wounded pride, a misplaced sense of his own superiority, jealousy, and a whole lot of anger. His is a culture very permissive in matters of sex. Kell had realized quickly that Thorne is a lot less so. He had to hold his tongue on numerous occasions.
Back home, he hated it. The ease of connection others seemed to have. That he was lacking. That he thought he would never have. That was, for the most part, too dangerous for him. Too frightening to others. He told himself he doesn't need it. That he's better. He's Antari. He's destined for greater things than freely fucking at parties. He's not like them. There has ever been only a single person spared his condemnation. The same one as always.
It didn't mean Kell went fully celibate back home. He was a living, breathing human after all. Quite horny as teenager. But he never allowed himself to be so open as he is with Jesper. For many reasons, not only his stupid pride, but it did not help. It only made him sadder, and angrier.
He's none of it now. He is satisfied, relaxed... who know maybe even happy.
"How dare you read my mind again," Kell laughs, playfully nibbling at Jesper's ear. "You have such a breathtaking beauty, Jesper. I hope people tell you this all the time. They should. You deserve to be adored and cherished. I want to savor you as much as I want to ruin you."
This is only their second meeting, but Kell wants Jesper to truly feel him. Each caress, each kiss. There's desire, yes, but it's no longer only lust... He doesn't know what it is, and in all honesty, he doesn't want to put a name on it. To limit, to fence off this wonderful feeling with words and definitions feels like a crime. A betrayal of the fragile thing that by some unbelievable cosmic coincidence was allowed to exist. It doesn't help that he's very bad at even recognizing his own emotions, let alone naming them. As long as it's not anger, he's lost. He desperately doesn't want to lose this one.